Being a parent means sometimes telling your youngster some white lies to protect them from this cruel world, even when they promote honesty as a virtue to their children. Sometimes, a small lie is necessary, especially if the truth is too hard for their little minds to grasp. Some of these lies are so creative and hilarious, that they deserve a whole post to themselves.
Oil Stains As Cautionary Tales
Sometimes you have to put the fear of God in your kids so that they do what you tell them to do. So, if telling your little ones that the oil stains on the street are all that remains of the little kids that got run over because they didn't hold anyone's hand when crossing the street gets them to stay by your side, then what's the harm. The psychological implications become null and void.
Chuck E. Cheese's is Invite Only
You can really insert any fast food joint in this lie, which is that such extravagent places are only for birthdays because they are invite only. Of course, if you do go to such a place on a day that isn't on a birthday, you can really confuse their young brains or out yourself as a liar!
Swallowing Gum Leads to What!?
We've all heard the different effects that our parents swear will happen to us if we swallow gum, but this one is quite creative: "Swallowing gum will cause your poop to bounce up and down i nthe toilet." If I were a kid, especially a curious boy, I would want to see such a phenomenon, so maybe that's not the best lie to tell your child.
No More Noise
For anyone stupid enough to get their kids a toy that makes any sort of noise (or who have vindicative friends or family that do), the best way to end the maddening cacophony of sounds is to tell the little monsters that they don't sell replacement batteries for these toys. Make sure you tell everyone else about this lie so that they don't get the itch to buy more batteries for them.
Cartoons are Sleeping
Putting your kids down is a difficult, if not impossible, task. Therefore, you will do and say anything to get them to shut up and go to sleep. If they are relentlessly asking to watch tv, tell them that all of their favorite characters have already gone to sleep and they can't watch them. Just hide the remote to keep them from finding out the truth.
Icky Black water
The last thing you want to give your rambunctious kids is more sugar, which is the main ingredient in sodas like Coke. Therefore, if their kids see something that resembles Coke, parents are starting to say that it's just black water that they (the kids) wouldn't like. You can also do this for all your favorite guilty pleasures you don't want them to eat.
Ice Cream Music
When kids see that god forsaken, musical hell-on-wheels, they go berserk. But, if you tell them that the music means the ice-cream man is all out of the frozen delights, they won't bug you every again. They may catch on as they get older (because the music is always on), but at least you can enjoy the peace and quiet for a little bit.
Sausages Are Made of What!?
One creative lie that this parent told his or her child is that sausages are made of children who were killed by the boogie man. As if there wasn't enough reason to be afraid of the boogie man.
A creative way to keep your kids hands away from the shelves and inside the cart is to tell them that when they touch something in the store, a kitten dies. Anyone else see a "Curiosity killed the cat" connection here? Still, it may be a bit dramatic.
Clean Teeth are Expensive Teeth
Dental hygiene is important, so parents try everything to entice their kids into taking care of their teeth. Financial gain is one way to do it. If you tell them that clean teeth are worth more money to the Toothfairy than dirty ones, they may just give those pearly whites an extra scrub or two. Of course, that means you will have to pay up more when the time comes.
Unicorns Are Real
Are your kids misbehaving? Try telling them that they can see a unicorn if they are extra well behaved. Then again, a well-behaved child is a unicorn, so it may not be a lie after all.
Importance of Reading
For those rugrats who just can't get into reading, tell them that without books and reading, they will lose their voice. This is essentially true because if they can't read, their writing ability is severly inhibited and and their communication and vocabulary suffers as well, essentially making them lose their voice. It starts young, so try and encourage them to pick up a book.
When you have one of those outlet extenders that allow you to plug several things into one outlet, the last thing you want is for your child to press the reset button, turning all of your electronics on. Imagine your computer is attached to it, and you are typing an important document for work. Keep those mischievious little hands away from that button by telling them that the house will explode if they press it. Of course, the curious minds may want to test your theory, but hopefully, if you put enough oomph to the lie and sell it, they won't test you.
Let Sleeping Animals Lie
You wouldn't want to tell your kids that the animals on the side of the road are dead, so some parents have told them that they are sleeping on the road because it is warm. Sometimes the lies are meant to protect them from all of the evils in this world.
A common marketing practice it to put candy up front where kids can reach it while their parents are busy paying for items. By telling your kids that that candy is bad and old meant for manufacturers to pick it up, it just may keep their hands from wandering.